Vale Royal AC Runners

I think I mentioned in a previous blog about the fact that Mark had given a telephone interview to the Northwich Guardian to help generate publicity, and ultimately sponsorship, for the bike ride, and I?m pretty sure I said then that the thought that Mark had done the interview worried me! Well those worries proved to be justified when I opened the paper last Wednesday morning. To be honest I opened it very slowly and warily as I feared what I might find. Some of those concerns arose because I expected that any article might focus more on Mark?s business than the bike ride! and obviously I wondered how I might be portrayed. I was also slightly suspicious of why I had had four texts messages, before 8am that day, asking me various plumbing related questions!

Having searched through the paper in trepidation for a few minutes I eventually found the article detailing our bike ride plans, nearly half of page 22 was taken up with the article ? the headline was ?Charity ride is in the pipeline for plumbers?! the sub headline being ?Dynamic Wincham duo to pedal 1,000 miles for charity?, let me know if you?ve spotted any errors yet! Yes, you?re right he?s not Dynamic is he! It said I worked for Vale Plumbing Supplies, which I felt was likely to surprise people, anyone who?s ever seen me attempt any DIY and my not actual employer, for example! The article contained some direct quotes from Mark ?we aren?t really built for cycling? (not sure what he meant by that! I?m pretty sure he?s the same height and weight as Chris Hoy! ? and I could easily be mistaken for Lance Armstrong!), ?we?re just a group of mates? (a small group obviously!) ?who fancied giving a go? (quite emotional stuff eh!) .

After a puntastic headline I was a little disappointed that the rest of the article was virtually pun free! Having seen the headline I expected the article to be bursting with puns, plumbing terms showered liberally to the point of overflowing! Surely, we should have been basin our route on that used by Ian Botham, expecting it to be a wrench being away from home, staying overnight in Bath, having to sink our own funds in to plug the charity, confirming that Mark is built like a tank, being prepared to tap in to our reserves to complete the challenge etc etc. Sorry really plumbing the depths there, but I?m a closet tabloid journalist!

I felt that Thunderbolt Thornley, the man who put the Mark in to marketing, had been at his business promoting best as the rest of page 22 was taken up with an advert for his business ? ?Aspirational bathrooms at inspirational prices?! (really sounded like something he would have thought up!! It also said that if you ordered the beautiful Roper Rhodes Unit (you know the one) before the end of June you would receive a free tap!! (actually, it was that that sounded like something Mark might have thought up, tip top tap man that he is!) ? It Didn?t confirm whether it was a hot or cold tap though! But did say that this was not in conjunction with any other offers ? luckily to avoid confusion there were no other offers (not even a free bog seat!).

Most of my day on Wednesday consisted of responding to ?plumbing texts? as news of my alternative career started to leak out! Ballcock and U bend featured in quite a few of them, and of course there was mention of old boilers and bleeding radiators! By the end of the day I was all punned out ? totally drained in fact! Every last pun had been flushed out! Most of the texts were jokes but I got the odd serious one, from people who thought I had changed career and not mentioned it. The power of the press is amazing. I know they say that there is no such thing as bad publicity ??.. but from the charity point of view I was worried that client?s who had said that they would sponsor us may not have spotted me in this story. Therefore, I emailed the lady whose name was on the article to explain that I?m not a plumber and that I have worked for a firm of accountants for nearly 20 years ? I confirmed that I?m tax and not taps! Its plunging profits and not prolific plungers that I have to look out for, sales not sewers, debits not bidets, funds not floods, losses not loos etc! I got an email back saying she hadn?t written the article, as she was on holiday, it was apparently a boy on works experience who had turned me in to Super Mario!

Hopefully, as a result we may get a little bit more publicity with a slightly different spin on it! Talking of spinning (virtually seemless link!) Wednesday was also the day that I made my spinning debut! Caroline, who is a regular spinner, recommended that I attend one of the classes at the gym she attends in Tytherington to supplement my cycle training. When I Arrived at the gym for the 45 minute session, the trepidation that I had felt when opening the paper returned! I was advised that I?d be OK as long as its wasn?t Rick taking the session. Rick?s sessions are apparently legendarily hard and not exactly ideal for the first time spinner! We were in good time and the first in to the spin room, Caroline took her normal bike and recommended that I use the one next to her, the fact that it was in a dark corner was purely coincidence I think! Caroline helped me adjust the seat, handlebars, and get the maximum tightness on my toe straps. She then ran through the information that is shown on the display screen. The screen detailed revs, calories, distance, resistance level etc. I obviously liked all the stats it could provide but felt it would have been more valuable if I could have seen it properly, It was a very dark corner that I was in!

The room, which holds a dozen or so people gradually filled up, mainly with Lycra clad ladies, but another couple of men also turned up. As people were busy setting up their bikes I set about having a bit of practise. However, advice (?you?ll be knackered before we start?) suggested that I shouldn?t overdo it pre workout. I took this on onboard, already fearing I may have done too much, particularly when the Instructor walked in and, yes you?ve guest it, it was Rick! (it was obvious it was going to be Rick wasn?t it ? there would have been little point of me mentioning him otherwise would there!). Rick is apparently a favourite with the ladies, not sure why, he?s cool, he?s fit, he?s good looking, he wears a bandanna! I made a mental note of all this and reckon that I too need a bandanna! I decided there and then, to get on bandanna.co.uk when I get home and get an order placed!

Rick looked in my direction as he entered the room and stared at me quite a lot, perhaps because he was unsure whether there was actually someone in the dark corner, or maybe because he knew everybody else there and wondered who I was, or probably more likely he was now had self doubts about just how cool he was! Anyway he took the centre bike, donned his headset, set the music playing and got us underway, he talked constantly, motivated, recommended the gears to be in and advised us off the revs per minute required, he told us when to sit down, when to stand up and when to hover! I tried to obey these instructions, but didn?t find it so easy when I was adopting a stooping style in an attempt to be able to read my display screen! I had expected a gentle warm up, but it didn?t happen as we?re hovering up a hard hill in gear 16, on 70 rpm in no time at all!

After a few minutes I was very hot, and starting to spray sweat around like a power shower! Rick didn?t seem to sweat, he just seemed to up the intensity, he suggested doing the next exercise at speed 4, this meant nothing to me as my screen didn?t show speeds (or at least I couldn?t spot them) so I just pedalled as fast as I could, he then shouted speed 5, speed 6, speed 7 etc and his legs went faster and faster, whereas I had left myself nowhere to go! By the time he hit speed 10 I was probably on speed 1. Rick shook his head, I didn?t dare shake mine for fear of soaking everyone! This was a tough workout, and I took every opportunity to grab a drink and towel down wherever possible.

After half an hour one of the Lycra clad ladies picked up her towel and walked out, it was very tempting to follow her I must admit (there?s just something about Lycra isn?t there!) but for some reason I decided to stay perhaps its that spirit of never giving up that prevented me leaving too or maybe it was the fact that I couldn?t manage to get my feet out of the toe straps no matter how hard I tried!! Rick also a toe strap problem, caused by was the ferocity of his pedalling, as his snapped with 10 minutes of the session to go, he proceeded to rip it off the pedal with his bare hands and throw it in my direction, luckily (for him!) it missed me and landed in the waste bin just by me. There is no way you can spin with only one toe strap, no not even Rick, so he danced instead ? the ladies just loved this! The session ended after 45 minutes, and the room emptied quite quickly, I however spent a good few minutes wiping down my bike and mopping up the soaked floor around where I had spun ? It was s a bit embarrassing to have sweated quite this much so I suggested it could be a burst pipe! and as I left the room I was tempted to say ?If there?s some big burst and it don?t look good ? who ya gonna call? in the hope of getting the response ??bikeplumbers?!

No cycling this weekend due to Castle?s relay ? but hopefully heading to the Chester Bikeathon next Sunday.

Thank you for all the donations so far ? It would be great if we could reach the £2,500 target ? so please help if you can.

http://www.justgiving.com/lejog-bigmarkandgoffy

Goffy.